I am 90% sure the kid in front of me in class is picking his face spots, smelling it, and then eating it. That is a LOT of % sure for something like that.
that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
you just kept yelling NO BUENO SENOR at the cashier and throwing coins at him, of course you were going to get kicked out of the grocery store
it's been dubbed the summer of antibiotics
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
I feel like I should be doing a victory lap around my house to the rocky music, or zapping and smiting people with my mystic wizard powers
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
Also, I cannot stop picturing myself in a bar, 3 years from now ordering soda. Just soda. 30 pounds over weight and wearing a cat sweater. I feel like I'm heading in the wrong direction in life.
is there a line between daddy kink and oedipus complex?
I just used a gift card from my in-laws to buy their daughter a vibrator. What even are morals?
I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?
I'd say I was is in rare form last night but it's becoming pretty common.
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
He's literally cuddling with the washer and dryer.
Randomize
