Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
she didnt even puke last nite, shes finally hit champion status. i think im in love
Just saw two girls doing a walk of shame together. Slut bonding at it's best.
That one life defining moment when you catch yourself pouring whisky into your hot chocolate at 4 am, whilst crying and talking to your dog.
I need to beat up a magician now. BRB.
We invented this drinking game where you pick and random video and drink for every misspelled word in the youtube comments. It did not end well.
I need Jameson.
Yea? How do you think I feel? Your job during the delivery is to keep that flask ready. The moment our kid pops out, I'm taking a shot.
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
Antibacterial soap and prayers does not for spermicide make
He said he didnt want to choke me, I said im sorry thats a deal breaker.
Btw I have come to the conclusion that we really need to do it in a bed. Like at least once..
I think every girl deserves a pregnancy scare. Because then it just feels like such a priviledge to be bleeding out of the vagina.
I legit just did a jig towards my box of tampons.
It's official. My little brother has had more sex in my car than I have. I'm still tied with my little sister. I hate everybody.
He was actually surprised when I poured myself a glass full of straight vodka. Clearly he doesn't know me as well as he thinks.
I just want a guy who makes lots of money, has a skilled penis and the sex drive of a 22 year on Viagra. Is that too much to ask?
Randomize
