She was sleeping without a shirt so I thought I wouldI sneaked a peek at her nipples..than I realized they were just warts...on her back.
I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
Thank you for the breast cancer awareness themed circle of death. Had it been any other time I would not have played topless.
The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
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Of course he wants me there for his birthday. If a girl offers you a blowjob for every year of your life, you're gonna want her to be there.
I don't care if he's straight, his cock will be in my mouth by midnight. Like a closeted Cinderella.
She peed in the limo. She stood up and pulled up her dress and peed on the floor of the limo.
Dude he was a used car salesman for his friends' penises. I know I have something here that's right for you!
He just remixed a spongebob song with 2 chainz..... Clearly I love him
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All you have to do is speak. Your voice reverberates strait to my vagina.
Just saw identical twins riding scooters. Today is not real who the hell rides a scooter anymore
Honestly I'm not even that excited to see my boyfriend. I'm more excited to see his penis. His penis inside of me.
I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
She was yelling at the tater tots, "In five minutes, you're going in my mouth!"
I'm getting drunk off Malibu and watching Drag Race and it's only 2 in the afternoon. I'm the poster child for sad gay men.
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