but she was nice to me.
She was a fuckin STRIPPER.
after a few more beers I realized that both my wife and I like Latin men.
You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
Bring my lunch to work in liquor store bags is doing nothing for my career
i put his shirt in a ziplock bag to preserve his smell
please tell me you are kidding me
Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
I am just going to stick my boobs out and hope for the best
So last night was the first of "I got cut off before I walked in the bar".
I was blacked out when we met, so basically this will be a blind date.
EXCEPT MY COUSIN SAW MY SEX TAPE!
THERE ARE SO MANY HOT DADS AT WHOLE FOODS
I've Ubered to the bar three times this weekend to get my car but every time I get there I end up drinking. Still no car.
Oh god. Charles just fell off the bar. Didn't spill his drink. He's come so far..
look im sitting on my bathroom floor in my underwear snorting cocaine can we talk about this later
If you survived your 72 hour masturbation marathon put on some pants and come over. My mom dropped off a lasagna.
Randomize
