he kept kneeing me like he was playing footsies... only then i realized it was his dick.
can't believe I ate straight coffee grounds to stay awake for that
you woke me up just to tell me that I was beautiful in every way possible. Then you proceeded to fall asleep with your mouth on my boob.
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
this girl is like a spa retreat for my dick
she demanded that I make her breakfast too so im in the bathroom cooking bacon with her straightener
This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
She made out with the kickboxers bf. She was just asking to get kicked in the head. In the middle of the bar.
I just walked in on my lesbian roommate having sex in the kitchen, and it was awesome. We proceeded to shots naked together. Happy birthday to me.
he said he'd buy me TWO burritos if I took my shirt off
It has moved into the cliche "thin line between love and hate" real quick. With her. Not Taco Bell.
Just put me in your contacts as coyote
I need to wash the frat house off of me
TFW YOU ACCIDENTALLY SEND A MEME ABOUT LIKING ANAL TO THE GROUP CHAT. JESUS FUCKING CHRIST, WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
Randomize
