Do you think Conan would leave his wife for me?
a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
Some kid in my class just puked in his backpack, zipped up the backpack, put the backpack on and walked out the door.
I woke up and we were making out. So the good news is that after two years off the market, I haven't lost a step. I'm picking up girls in my sleep now.
and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
he tried to do a one handed cartwheel to showoff but knocked himself out cold. fuckin jagerbombs will kill that man.
tell me why they applauded then the bartender locked himself in the bathroom when i walked into the bar today ????
And the cockring thing wasn't sexual.
I have to sanitize my nipples and its just to cold in here for it to be ok
Making drunken Mac n cheese at 3 am I understand why witches constantly stir their cauldrons. Much more homogenized temperature and slim chance of boiling over. Good job witches.
He wants to buy me a wedding ring and pretend to be married to someone else when we fuck. It actually makes me wet thinking about it.
how soon in a friendship can you start calling them a motherfucker
His 89 y/o father walked in on us. Judging by the gasp/moan, I don't think the 1920s prepared him to see another dude inside his son.
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
Some sorority went “Dick or Treating” at a frat house and now the Halloween parties are canceled
Randomize
