So I had sex with him again. He's still got it. Not chlamydia, he got rid of that.
I doubt the Taliban would support fake nipples.
please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
We made the bar tender tell us how he proposed to his girlfriend. In detail. While we made gushing noises. We are embarrassments to females everywhere
I told the bartender that he could give me back the tip I gave him if he outsmarted me in a battle of wits. He has yet to challenge me.
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
You rang?
Saw a ginger and the first thing I thought of doing was yelling "you have no soul!" so I called you so we can yell it together with you on speakerphone.
Yeah. I don't think I have anything left in me tho. I think I was throwing up tangible memories at one point.
You okay?
I walked into work with a banana and a loaf of bread
I told him he was, quote: "A big cuddly bear" and he needed to get into my bed or I would set his Golden Retriever free.
Worst. Date. Ever. He peeled a layer of bread off his mini burger buns because they had "too many carbs".
If my drunken penis pic is ever to be forgiven id like to start over with all that
My boyfriend and my fuck buddy are going to the strip club together... Should I be concerned?
I’m really regretting these suede pants.
I put on a face mask and masturbated for an hour... my face now has a green tint
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