i stapled my math hw together with an ear ring, too ghetto?
hes trying to draw the periodic table on his chest with a sharpie. i'm not sure how thats going to help him on his chem final, but he keeps shouting "this is how the pros do it"
I got a Luke Skywalker costume so I can go do battle with the homeless guy who plays the fiddle dressed as Darth Vader downtown.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK FUCKABLE IN AN ALL NEON SPANDEX JUMPSUIT?
I just helped a group of highschool stoners find a safe place to smoke I feel like a responsible rolemodel
I mean it's not my fault he had a floor mat that read "put out or get out". What was I supposed to do?
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
merry christmas to all and to all I give the mystery rash.
Can you come get Dustin he's putting taco bell fire sauce on cigarettes trying to light them again.
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
You don't understand. There's baclava and there's post sex baclava. You can't compare the two.
I think pants incapable of making pants work
Hillary said in her victory speech "We're gonna come together". I've got a lib-boner.
Just woke up to Siri reminding me that i need to kill the giant orange spider in my room, because it's sorcery and witchcraft is sacrilegious. Did you give me LSD again!?!??!
Randomize
