you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
why do all canadians talk like horny gerbils are stuck in their throats?
Hey sis... Don't forget moms day is this sun. And don't get her another gift while you are freakin high this time. The vibrator was embarrassing.
FYI the vibrator was a SUCCESS. She was in a much better mood this last year. Maybe you should get high this time and get a great gift
only clue right now is the orange grease all on my clothes. debit card denied so I know something weird went down..
I sang again at the bar lastnight I don't think alanis morrset knew when she wrote you outta know that the drunk version was going to be go fuck yourself Josh and Chelsea. I love $2 wells.
Lost my virginity in a banana suit. Glad I waited.
her vagina just converted me to Judaism.
The instructions say refer to specific course material, but I'm in no mood to reopen this awful book that caused me so many lost hours of drinking.
Yeah FUCK THAT NOISE
I woke up this morning to find a stuffed animal submerged in the toilet. I'm not entirely sure if it was the cat or Kara.
And to add, there was a fat guy right next to me who, when the girls would shake their butts, he would let out a shrill xena warrior princess cheer
You don't know weird until you've had a musical wet dream about your older brother.
Well yeah. Plus. My dick looks awful. So I would need to do some extreme makeover dick edition before even starting something so ridiculous.
Yiu ever laugh so hard you stop breathing? Turns out weed -can- kill you.
Had a dream I was doing scat with Caroline. I need to lay off the cheese at night
Randomize
