He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
she must of just birthed a child cause her labia touched the floor
My dream of liquor pitchers came true
So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
I just sent a friend request to someone saying that i was the girl he shared a fifth of jager with last week. Thats something special. He better accept.
was it you or me who tried to make the, what appears to be, nacho cake in the oven?
Min and u sung xhionubjs. Cause that's what u kiij like a xhionunk
He wasn't eating out, he was performing a hysterectomy without a license....should I be worried about my future family?
Who invented hangovers? And why did I make out with him and eat an entire can of chilli mixed with hot fries while screaming "YOU ONLY GRADUATE ONCE" last night?
I vaguely remember taking a yard light, holding it up like the statue of liberty, and all of us at the party chanting the national anthem. What a glorious night
And I told him that even though were not together, if he has sex with anyone I would have sex with someone else, video tape it and send it to him.
At dinner her sister yelled "he fucked me AND mom!! Up your standards hoe!!" Safe to say I ruined that family
Rough day
Good thing I've started drinking again
Hey the moment you step into my house, find me IMMEDIATELY so we can pinky promise on not roping anyone at the party into yet another threesome
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
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