so i walk in and shes blowing her vag with a hair dryer. so i asked what she was doing, she said heating up supper.. come eat ;)
i'm so jealous of you right now.
Don't worry we didnt bang. Sometimes I just bring guys home so I don't order pizza.
I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
I just want to go some place where I can have a nice night. Grind on men who speak no English, make out with a girl, and not feel judged.
This is one of those times where I really wish my vagina could tell me what happened last night.
Sex with him was like teaching a two year old how to work a machine gun
No, I'm in the bathroom trying to scrub off the 16 tally marks on my wrist so its not so obviously to the world that I puked on a couch last night.
I don't have any swimsuits that don't show off the weird handprint bruises on my hips. Do you have a onepiece I can borrow?
Did you Fuck minivan and her friend last night?
Due to certain anatomical proportions it was less like fucking and more like childbirth.
You could become Eskimo brothers with my dad. How can you pass that up? You pussy.
My boobs love her too. She makes them feel important even though they're small
SOMETIMES YOU HAVE TO BLAST VANESSA CARLTON IN YOUR CAR AT MIDNIGHT TO FEEL AGAIN. IDK.
It was a simpler time. With fewer STDs.
Did anyone see us fucking last night on the giant turtle outside downtown Disney?
Randomize
