Sadly no. But I was pantsless when they came to get me. Which made me miss you...
mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
Also, last night I had a dream that I was in a victoria's secret fashion show and they made me wear a t-shirt over my lingerie. Spring dieting begins now.
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
Well for number 40 i would prefer to at least like the guy attached to the dick
lesson learned.. dressing up like a naughty teacher doesn't mean you can get away with spanking a cop with a ruler for being "fresh" with you
if i can hear my landlord's phone ring you think be can hear my vibrator?
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
He realized that I was watching deadliest catch while we were jerkin off on FaceTime.
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
My ex unfollowed me on SPOTIFY bruh. Freaking spotify. The butthurt is real
I don't want a big night. But I am okay if we wake up in a penthouse at Crown Casino.
Just let a guy I just met eat me out in a shed at a baby shower. May have sunk to a brand new low
Randomize
