Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
Are u religion class? I'm on my way, I have cum in my hair. tell u later.
Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
You were chewing up hot dogs and spitting them out
I'm worried I'm going to miss my flight so I set a series of alarms on my phone to act as checkpoints to make sure I'll be there. 2am-stop drinking; 4am-stop fucking stephanie, get some sleep; 5am-wake up, fuck stephanie once more; 6am-get to the airport
You need 4-7 business day to recover from a fingering like that.
My mom had to physically restrain me because I wouldn't stop acting like a dinosaur.
You're a Heat fan? You lose any chance blowjob bc of your poor choice.
How many band members does it take to become The Band Slut? I think I might be dangerously close
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
I don't want my vagina anymore.
You're not gonna like every guy whose dick I put in my mouth
is it bad that I'm more worried about having to take out my piercings than the fact that I might be having a kid
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
Randomize
