Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
Wish I didn't live with 3 girls so I could beat off in peace.
you kept falling over in mid-conversation and you just got right back up as if nothing happened...
My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
the more i look through evidence of last night, the less i seem to remember.
Just look for the house with the beer knights.
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
thank you whoever used my nalgene as a flask. pregamin in chem
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
I have to have boobs, you have the charm and wholesomeness that gets boyfriends... And i have boobs
If he didn’t pick us up we would have been jerkwards eating sad pancakes at a Denny’s.
Randomize
