yo I wanna see you, bring that beard of yours
We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
I don't have the money to get a cast so we made one from stuff at the craft store.
Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
he has the hands of the vagina gods.
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
Me too. We could do it like prostitutes. No kissing on the mouth.
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
have you ever seen all dogs go to heaven this is important
I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
Also I'd apologize for texting you flipping my shit about the science of hair growth while I was shrooming last night but we know each other better than that
Sexting just isn't as much fun once you learn how bad he is in bed...
I'm seriously considering selling my books back early. I don't use them anyways and I could really use the beer money..
Randomize
