Plan A DEFINITELY worked... Go with me to get Plan B??
he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
I was really sad when you left and cried. And i don't know what a face promise is, but apparently i made you make one.
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
Your engaged. Stop telling guys you will sit on their face. They don't always know your kidding.
All I saw was a purple blob and poking out from under was part of a green shirt. Took me a minute to realize it was him under that beast.Thought I should ask if he was actually breathing and conscience but then I saw him slowly exploring what few brave men have done before.
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
Just killed a snake in my bed! And by killed I mean hit repeatedly with my fist. And by snake I mean a lump in the covers. And I pissed my pants.
I just pawned the ring from my ex boyfriend to replace the ring I lost from my current boyfriend. #thanks
I'm not a whore anymore. I gave up 90% of my women for you. I'm a 4-5 woman kind of guy now.
YOUR TO-DO SEX LIST CANNOT CONSIST ENTIRELY OF MY THREE BEST FRIENDS
and their significant others
AND THEIR SIGNIFICANT OTHERS
Just to clear things up, yes you did lick the strippers butt
i was ready to conquer the fucking world. i would have fought vin deisel to the death without hesitation
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