News update: stealing a playground is harder than it looks.
So I accidentally txted this girl with the same name as the one im seeing, as it turns out shes still dtf
I making dinner, so you might want to actually come home tonight.
oh, you finally did the dishes then?
No, bought new ones.
Theres been so much buildup for our genitals to meet, one or both of us is sure to be disappointed.
Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.
There's a big bag of salt and vinegar chips and a Budweiser for when you wake up. Don't say I never did anything for you.
i don't know what happened by from the looks of her lipstick I'd say she was skull fucked by a rhino
This coming from the girl who broke up with a guy because she found out he played the tuba in middle school.
The narcoleptic neighbor conked out while taking her dog out again. Drinking game based on what the dog does and how long she's out. You in?
Does buying my brother condoms for Christmas say "keep having sex with her, I like her" or "dear god, do not get this girl pregnant"?
I'm tempted to randomly yell out 'SO HOW IS YOUR UNDERAGE GIRLFRIEND' but that would be callous
Also I am throwing a blaZer over what I wore to bed and calling it an outfit.
Be happy for me... Or horny... Or be a really good friend and feel what I want you to feel. Jealousy
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
You said the best orgasm you ever had, you gave to yourself. your boyfriend looked really disappointed. so did half the room.
Randomize
