Tip #47, don't trim the bush when you have the shakes!
Hey i just realized that im masturbating in the exact same kind of chair that they are doing it on in this porno
after he handcuffed me and put me in the back seat, "Mrs. Officer" started playing, I thought maybe this could be my escape
i cleaned out my closet and found 7 beers from 2007. ive had 3 so far.
So i wrote 'don't sex me' on my stomach, so that if we got to a point where my shirt is off - he would know how i really feel, not just the alcohol talking
how did that work out?
Well, all the water washed it off, so we ended up fucking since i didn't have my reminder...
Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
Man in California was arrested for killing and eating a wild bobcat while high on crystal meth. Let's please NEVER get that high on anything...
I've figured out why I love winter sex. Because I make them leave the beanie on, and we all know I love a man in a beanie.
GOVERNMENT SHUTDOWN NO RULES ICE CREAM FOR BREAKFAST woooo!
Lets just say my thoughts when getting dressed this morning was "vagina friendly" options
I'm the kind of girl who misses her mouth when trying to eat, do you honestly think I'm coordinated enough to wear heels during sex?
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
Tbh you just need to fuck it out like I don't know another solution
This pandemic, it’s making everyone horny. I’ve got dick stashed all over town
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