Kind of a slow process. Played 9 holes with her yesterday. Wish one of them was hers
well most of my day revolves around power hour
watching elf naked is so much better than watching it with clothes on .
...She then said get into the spirit and started making firecracker noises while having sex
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
There are 144 bottles of wine in my mother's pantry. She just shrugged her shoulders and said it was for the wine pong tournament on Christmas Day.
i'm in that phase where i'll swallow anything except food
It's fine...I've done worse things to better people.
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
Apparently we stole a dog last night. I woke up and it was just staring at me. But we fed it left over KFC for breakfast so it's cool.
I smoked out of two pipes at the same time while my friends wielded the lighters last night. It felt like I graduated to the next level of stoner.
He yelled "HOO-ah!" like Al Pacino when he pulled down his pants. Trust me, he has every right to.
I don't need to marry the guy. I just need some filthy, shameful wish fulfillment sex and then live out the rest of my life on the bean farm.
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
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