We were so bored at work tonight that we were in dry storage taking turns pouring the boxed wine we use for cooking into each others' mouths. I think I'm starting to understand the "problem" aspect of "drinking problem."
Nothing gets me like the O.C. theme song does.
I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
I'm at the cafe. It's 7am. There is a girl I don't know on my futon who tried to tickle me this morning when I got down from my loft. I also not wearing any underwear.
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"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
Yaaaayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy! It has more than one y so my intentions to sleep with you after the drink special ends are clear
Remember that girl that we found passed out in the dorm study room under a pile of money and jimmy johns wrappers? She's standing right on front of me.
just once I'd like to not pass out before we leave the designated pre-drinking place
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
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The sweaty, naked apartment dance party wasn't complete until I threw the whole jar of glitter on us. It was like the icing.
You just kept screaming "COME GET ME OFFICER, MY ALLIGATOR MEANS BUSINESS" while swinging a beanie baby alligator at him.
All I've done is masturbate and drink while being home from college.
For future reference, don't put tape on your nipples. Ouch.
wtf why is there glitter all over my dog
Well I just masturbated while reading a recipe for Alfredo sauce so I guess you could say I’m growing up
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