walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
they just started talking about wanting to bang stephanie tanner from full house
Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
you used to get mad at me for mentioning 'unprotected sex' and happenings in my bed
well yeah, but then i realized the wisdom of your ways.
so then we both started to do the walk of shame and she didnt realize we had fucked in her apartment until some lady said hi to her in the elevator
you didnt stop her?
too entertaining
Since you didn't call me back last night, I can only assume that in 9 months you're going to have a child that I'm going to refer to as, "Daddy's little mistake in Miami."
Brogan sounds similar to Bridget...sorta.
Every girl's name is automatically translated to "Baby/Milk Carrier" in my brai
Her face is stuck to the frozen jager bottle. I think shes ok with it
Ssssssssssshhhhhhhhhhhiiiiiiii!iiiiiiiiiitttttttttttttttssssssssssssshhhhhhhhooooooooowwwwwww. Letters for emphaSSIIISISEEEE!
I may hire someone just to sell my family the drugs they keep asking me for. It's cutting into my doing drugs time.
Also... I'm unsure what to do with my face while someone is choking me during sex. Like I feel like its hard to look flattering.
Your next boyfriend should be from MENSA...you're so smart, it's intimidating as fuck. My penis retracted in fear.
HE PEED ON ME. THE MANAGER OF THE BAR.
When your guy changes his swinger profile to include you. #makingprogress
Hey can you send me a pic of your breast with a peace sign in the photo? I'm trying to win a scavenger hunt contest. Thanks so much
Randomize
