Just spent the rest of my time at that bar trying to keep a probs underage closet gay from touching my kitten to prove he still likes girls.
The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
I just got called an ass for saying no thanks to a Greenpeace solicitor. I don't want the whales to die but I do want Greenpeace to fail. Conundrum.
Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
Same, I didn't even get to be tarzan this summer
Woke up in an unfamiliar basement in a sleeping bag with Matt to a police officer shining his flashlight in my eyes and asking me my birth date and social security number. My morning went swimmingly.
it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
I think you missed the wrong class. Im pretty sure we were taught how to buy cocaine.
The bridesmaids just went smackdown on the floor, over the bouquet. I saw nipple. Best wedding ever
I just had a flashback of 4:30am: me hugging the toilet bowl and you handing me a jar of pickles to open. There is something seriously wrong with us.
I think I'm going to make a pina klonopin before class.
I hope my orgasm sounds aren't secretly that bad and no one tells me
How does this dude know what a dying walrus sounds like? That's the real question
I'm drunk in a place called Lick-A-Chick. PS. It's not a lesbian hot spot, they sell chicken.
Cats are difficult to handle. Also they are impossible to baptize.
I dont even remember what i was saying but just one minute i was crying and the next i was showing u my genitals
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