he sent her a picture of his penis to show that he "trusts her" or some shit like that..well she showed it to me, and let me just tell you..it looked like a freaking slug or something. creepiest penis i've ever seen. hands down
Your favorite bartender is back from prision
Hey just to warn you theres a really fat guy passed out in front of our front door snoring. Don't touch him, he's in god's hands now.
Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
Im going..... Drinking all day and hand jobs from 18yr old emo rich girls that are just trying to get back at mom and dad for being to protective...SOLD
I just figured out how I'm going to tie you to my bed. Hint: I may have to go to the auto parts store before you get here.
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
you said I shouldn't try to fill the void in my meaningless life with dicks but i am trying and it totally works
I'm alittle affraid you might be dead, seeing how your work party is in an hour and you haven't answered me? I mean I'm picturing you 1. Passed out in your car covered in fries or 2. On a boat in a box to Mexico covered in coke. Please let it be number 1. And aren't we going to your work party?
I sat on the bathroom floor yelling "hell hath no fury!" for about 20 minutes.
It's definitely revenge time.
At this point, I wouldn't be surprised if he laughs at all of our attempts to keep him sober.
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
Please don't fuck the professor. We both know that won't end well.
i just really want to fuck a guy wearing lederhosen
it'll be sexier than it sounds, i promise
He ate me out on the front lawn of the post office. The people in the office across the road definitely got a show!
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