Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
she looks like someone took a bunch of spare parts and glued them all on one face. it's quite horrifying.
Part in the USA is on your top 25 most played on iTunes. you have NO RIGHT to judge me.
we boned then he told me that he had a thing for my gay roommate. worst night ever
Apparently blazed enough to think that the sizzling meatballs in the pan were calling your name...Ssssteeeeeve
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
what the fuck is a social media consultant, who does she consult for, and how bad is she at it? her facebook account is currently hacked and posting ads for the ipad 2 on my newsfeed
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
Why do I always miss the parties you're naked at?!
I get naked cuz your not there
There are two types of people in this world I don't trust: people who collect stamps, and people who don't drink
Indeed. Apparently I called my sisters and told them I wouldn't get arrested because it's not a real sword.
Yeah, if you don't like strip clubs you won't like microwave chimichangas.
I just lifted up my shirt to scratch my stomach n a Dorito flew out of my pullover n it legit scared me when it hit me.
Hey. It's Michael. The guy that had his tongue in your mouth last night. Just wanted to check in with you.
Ok, there are marshmallows shaped like elephants
Randomize
