a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
that place is a roofie-colada waiting to happen
i'm ok with that.. with the right DD it's just a cheaper drunk.. it's the economy, stupid
should my break up email to my English professor be in MLA format?
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
My neighbor Chris is here. I am warning you, he is wearing a kilt I just saw his balls. Be incredibly careful that you don't see what I did.
There's 50 people in our house, none of them are wearing shirts. The keg has been relocated twice and our bathroom door is missing again...when will we ever learn?
Here is a brilliant idea passed on from men who have that same regret. WEAR A FUCKING CONDOM ALWAYS.
It looks like I murdered a care bear and put its blood in my hair to warn the others off.
The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
I tried to celebrate Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hannukah, and New Years all in one night.
Yeah I'm just gonna shower and drink a gallon of coffee and drunkenly write my research paper. It'll be fine
I have 80 very blurry photos of you on a stripper pole...
He may be engaged to someone else, but god damn that was the best 3 hours I've ever spent naked with someone.
I can't possibly be the only person who has ever eaten Cheetos with a spoon to avoid the powder getting in my fingers
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