I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
answer the phone. i thought i was eating cheese but it was butter. i ate a lot of it.
Climbing onto the roof in a dress and high heeled boots was probably not the best idea, especially after all that Bacardi.
For some reason I have a hard time believing getting drunk and recreating a movie about singing transvestites is ever very far from a situation you're in.
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
Why isn't there a sort by hair color option on Facebook? It would make stalking much easier.
He's blaming gravity for his problems right now, so put that in perspective
Facebook stalking ex-girlfriends who went to rehab. This is my life.
The fact that there are multiple ex-girlfriends who have been to rehab concerns me
Just had sex in the darkroom, while a class was going on ten feet away. I finally have a good sex story.
All I remember is folk music and a lot of drugs. I am never going "on an adventure" with you again
I'm going to assume that "the army of generous folk dancers" is no longer a goal you are willing to fulfill
If I do nothing else today, the fact that I talked you into this is achievement in itself.
His dick's name has evolved from Sebastian to Big Daddy to Barbara Streisand to Barbara Walters. I think the transformation is finally complete.
I wonder how many people I can tell that he has one nut before he finds out it's me spreading it.
How do you clean puke off a stuffed bear?
What's your opinion on eating ass? Just looking for a yes or no
Randomize
