I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
the line at the liquor store is out the door, and students in line are high-fiving like crazy...i love college snow days
i was actually impressed that she managed to throw up underwater while scuba diving
I forget the details, but I'm told that I drunkenly stalked him around floor yelling obscure Jewish laws at him
No, I don't think your idea of offering shots in exchange for bonus points to your history professor at B-Dubs was a good idea. Especially after you later told him that you would "tap that" in regards to his wife.
What is their policy on bow ties and belligerence?
you were telling us about the time you had sex in an alley and he stopped, looked up and said 'it was a cul-de-sac' and went right back to what he was doing.
Yeah. Well last night I sold my shoes to a man who I'm pretty sure has a weird foot fetish for $150 cash.
I'm chatting on my fake OkCupid account and watching Lion Witch & Wardrobe on my second screen. Hail me, King of the Creepers
hes like bread. how could bread be dangeous
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
Why can't he just dump me? This is like a baby seal clubbing the hunter
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
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