If you want to dance with a less than stellar Asian chick, I have just the girl for you.
I wish they had a smiley of two girls making out
So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
Just found out that I was singing john legend songs as I threw up last night. Quality.
I dont even clean my room anymore .. i drunk proof it for when i come back smashed with a guy
My present? It was a fake boarding pass he made in Photoshop. He litterally just gave me a one way ticket to Pound Town
I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
i think he was starting go for a boob grab when we both realized the middle of a public tennis court wasn't the place
Oh, and I'm only keeping her around till spring. Doing the hunt for cunt is too tough in 12" of snow.
i mean, i offered you kinky, jungle themed sex. i don't know what else you want from me
Fuck me this girl I went home with has a cover on her remote control so there is no spills to ruin it. Imagine how many condoms she's going to make me wear
Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
If you had been home 20 minutes ago, you probably would've caught me masturbating, so it might be for the best.
We're going to get naked and build a fort instead. HAPPY NEW YEAR!
Woke up naked with a post-it that said "don't ask questions" on my ass...i know im not supposed to ask but uhm what did I do?
Randomize
