Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
in the car goin home for fam dinner and he is silent... i think he realized how big of a whore his little sister is
Best moment of my life. I just got a text from some random number that said i can't wait to touch you. Her name is kiara and she had the wrong number.
He couldn't say anything coherently but shot off a perfectly timed "that's what she said" when michelle said he'd have to ride in the trunk because she didn't have enough room up front.
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The guy is drinking 5 bottles of beer in a juice pitcher. Fucking amazing.
I wish i could 80s montage me losing weight
This place smells like bottom shelf liquor and broken dreams
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
We stayed up until 4:20 AM. The next thing I remember was waking up at 4 PM, like my internal alarm clock knew.
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The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one.
Whether ya want it or not, it's gonna happen. Assimilate to the gay
If you get laid dressed as my dad that makes me extremely uncomfortable
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
Dude I woke up with a handprint shaped bruise on my ass, a pong ball in my cleavage, and somebody else's gold chain around my neck. Who's house am I in?
I don't know how I managed to chip the inside of my tooth w/ a turkey and cheeto sandwich, but I think that's what happened.
I'm sorry, a turkey and WHAT sandwich?!?!
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