Define "chronic" masturbator.
My dad is complaining about how his computer keeps getting viruses. I don't have the heart to tell him he needs to stop downloading so much porn.
we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
We already established this. No, he did not cum on the dog.
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
Fyi when u order four mini bottles of scotch on a 45 min flight. The flight attendants jaw drops to the floor.
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
I showed him my toy collection and he goes, "You won't need those anymore," and dropped his pants. I threw the House of Pleasure out last night.
I mean honestly, I love naps like Anthony Weiner loves sending dick pics
Im pretty sure my housekeeper high fived her on the way out this morning
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
I'll be back in a hour going with Jason to get his nipples tattooed back on again
It's a family event: you have to drink. No way around it. Its the law.
Randomize
