your butthole totally puckers for the ginge
batman just walked across the sidewalk
lay off the drugs
no for real he was wearing a cape
we just made rock paper scissors into a drinking game
i'm using a wine bottle as a spitter. how classy is that.
btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
Hey! I was tired. I threw up in two parking lots yesterday.
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
She's the queen of dating. She managed to get a date with a guy who saw her puke five times in two hours.
I'll probably just end up banging you in your parents marital bed,in their honor of course.
A guy at my table is reading a magazine called "Cheese Connoisseur"
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU STUCK YOUR DICK IN CRAZY!
Randomize
