i woke up convinced that my room was backwards i tried to go into the closet to get outta my room
i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
just got off the metro to throw up and got back on like it ain't no thang
really making moves this morning i see
She was doing lines off of her friends boobs in the limo at 9 oclock on a thursday This has the potential to be the best weekend ever
Yea my vagina was pretty pissed at me for not taking advantage of the situation...
I am trapped in a bar with french tattooed drug dealers who also blow glass art. Just in case this is bad, know what happened.
Got hereat 8. Had 6 beers 2 shots and a game of diZZY BATOS
The nurse who basically saved my life just came into the store. Didn't recognize her. Awwwwkward.
It was either the harsh truths I was divulging or the liquor..... But either way, I made mom puke
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
This time tomorrow I'll be fingering you
Oh shit a waiter was leaning over me when i opened that and i felt him pause
How do you politely tell someone to get out of your house in Russian
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
Oh yeah I meant to tell you the Tomb Raider looking girl so crop dusted me on the stairway
His wife isn’t coming to the wedding! I’ve got 48 hours to home wreck him. Gotta go, I have to shave my vajayjay and buy some really slutty underwear. Love you!
Randomize
