sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
just had wine and brownie batter for dinner. Single life is good
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
Anything that comes outta your cooch is bound to be breathtaking
That could use a little rephrasing
I should have questioned it early on when they said bring beer and chocolate syrup
Sounds like sex on a twister board.
An idea that is both hilarious and intriguing...
I woke up in my own bed clutching a key to a Ramada in another state.
I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.
When Pony by ginuwine plays I pretty much just grind on the nearest penis.
TGIFridays...stall number 1...drunk...send help
you should never start the day with a boob text. It can only go downhill from there
The sex was so boring I heard the people having sex next door and I wanted to stop just to listen
Random boy motorboated me, handed me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, winked and walked out with some other girl
Find him and marry him.
I woke up with glitter and eggshells in my bed wtf
dude if looks could fuck you two would've been naked in front of everybody
Randomize
