Look at my ENTIRE past
Highly public sexual behavior gross mismanagement of funds socially unaccpetable and radical speech and thought
Might as well have a blog about it at this point
when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
FUUUUUCK she froze all my quaters inside the ice cubes again
Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
Itll be like a collage of penis. And not that abstract, one penis in a big painting contemporary shit. Collage....
You know it's been awhile when the imagery of fucking AT A DENNY'S gets me really turned on.
Just realized I'm going to have to make you sign a non-disclosure agreement before my wedding.
Dude true life I died at the derby...I lost everyone I knew, went down a bourbon and mud slip and slide, lost my hat, fell off the roof of a porta potty, sprained my ankle and knee and then got arrested.
Went into Walmart to get a pregnancy test. Came out with a beta fish and chocolate.
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
It’s Sunday Funday! Stop watching football and bring your penis over here. There will be plenty of scoring!
Randomize
