I love black thongs
dude, I just walked in on your little brother changing clothes...I'm ashamed to say I noticed, but that kid has as MASSIVE cock...
Yeah...we all know. it's the elephant in the room at family gatherings.
that is a frighteningly accurate metaphor for it.
I wish there was a non slutty way to ask the guys across the hall if i can copy their men's bathroom key so I have one for my one night stands
She was stumbling around looking for her cat. She said i could help, but i had to call him by his jungle name
I have to fuck proof my bed. It was in the middle of the room this time.
Remember the girl passed out in front of my fireplace?
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
Her alarm in the morning was Best Day Ever from Spongebob. I'm have lots of conflicting feelings right now...
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
Yes. I masterbate to Harry Potter. It's what our generation does.
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