my 12 year old sister just told me how admirable it was that i felt comfortable going out with my friends dressed "like that"
Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
Beer and cheesecake and spinning in cirlcles why did you let me do this to myself
Once you mention butt plugs, conversations always take a turn for the worst.
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We're at the liquor store. Then going to the hospital
I'm pretty sure the guy who was grinding on me while I was trying to get a drink at he bar was one of my tinder matches
He came all over her clothes we have to leave
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
Have you ever woken up and said a thank you prayer to the beer gods for allowing you to wake up in the morning and still have the ability to walk and talk? Because we should.
Gotta go, there’s a chick at my door that wants to give me head
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