i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
You supply the liquor and I'll "accidently" forget my bathing suit.
Deal!
This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
yo everyone went to the hospital last night
He needs to realize that there's a big difference between "I love you" and "I love your dick"
whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
HE'S turngign 18teen real soon.k
We're having chugging races with long island ice tea, I won. To often
I just realized, I'm going to be on my period for the end of the world. FUCK.
but there's so much I wanna do before I have kids. like die
They are like the regular squirrels and we are flying squirrels
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
ALL I WANT IS SEMEN IN/ON/AROUND MY BODY. WHY IS HE MAKING THIS SO HARD.
I got up and left his place at 3am because I remembered I had a burrito in my car.
Randomize
