Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
My nephew just came out playing with my moms vibrator.
He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
what is the aproppriate waiting time between having sex and playing super Mario brothers
6 min
Its like I was sleeping with a kid. His gum fell into my hair while sleeping and he just wanted to cuddle.
Is it weird that I want your dad to go down on me?
It wasn't until that morning that I realized I wasn't actually dreaming, finding myself in the bathtub with someone laying on me
Where are you and who are these girls passed out on the floor?
and why are they spooning a flamingo?
they traded weed for a spot on our floor. be nice.
I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
I thought turtle was a code word for weed until he pulled out a baby turtle from his pocket and said "$20 for a turtle"
If you value your immune system buddy, walk away from that one.
God gave me a talent besides one night stands. I feel like I should use it
Can i have the words "she went crazy and never came back" written on my grave?
He was out clubbing with his SON. WHY did you let me KISS HIM? Also WHERE WAS HIS SON?!
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
Randomize
