Alls I know is that his gf looked like Beyonce and he looked like Babar
I just bedazzled my weight watchers points calculator. You can tell I'm gay.
I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
He was my shower sex Sherpa last night. And we both made it safely up the mountain.
Finishing last nights 1.5L of wine and beef jerky for breakfast. Work looms, ever the prickly bitch.
if i dont text back till morning its cause i turned my phone off and changed my password to something i wont remember to stop myself from drunk texting...RESPONSIBILITY
Clothes make me feel like a responsible adult and that's just not something I'm ready to handle.
Dear God, please let me get my period. And if this one is fiercer than usual I completely understand.
we had a full conversation and he only brought up drugs twice. overall I'd call it a success
I just used Bacardi to dry out poison ivy.
No, it's like a legit blood drive. It's not just her out in some parking lot with needles and ziplock bags
i woke up between my boyfriend and his sister and i don't know if we fucked or cried together
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
I think my liver just tried to kill me, we need to slow down
Randomize
