Life Lesson Number 76: Masturbating into a sock is useless if there is a hole in it.
Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
Who did Billy Mays play for?
i wish i was a boy too so i knew what a blow job felt like
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
in respone to your voicemail you left me on saturday, yes i had gone to bed and no i was not still drinking at 5am
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
Doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom and the word 'better' do not belong in the same sentence.
Finally put clothes on I've been laying naked in the bed for approximately 4 hours since I showered and by showered I mean when I laid down in the bathtub with the shower on
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
Don't even start with me. You know damn well if you walked into a bathroom with two girls naked in the shower you would stay too. Regardless how drunk I was or whether or not you were my ride.
Aaaaand now he just flexed his muscles at me and said "I'm a fucking eagle!"
He was lasting forever and I couldn't take it so I faked an asthma attack
well at least you didn't have your nipples chewed last night
help. his tongue is stuck. Its not what you think. Hurry.
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