We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
Stop being a whore!!! Everyone can see!!!!
a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
So..I walked into his bathroom and found a bong and a blender in the shower.....normal?
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
can we just pause for one second and address the fact that balls were out last night
I rigged together two of my vibrators for more power... I've created a monster.
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
I think tonight's gonna be the night I wear a go pro while trippin on acid
Those people that talk about exercise endorphins have never experienced a 9x13 pan of mac n cheese endorphins
If he thinks I'm canceling my orgy to coddle his stupid fucking behavior, he has another thing coming
Only I would get an underage 24 hours before turning 21.
The girl at the liquor store remembered me as "the girl who pays in hundreds" so she didn't ID me
I don't know what kind of bucket list you have, but having sex with a tree isn't on mine...
The neighborhood cougar just purred at me while I was doing yard work. I’m terrified and tumescent
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