On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
The toilet started ringing, I think I just found your phone.
thanks so much for stopping me from telling him i want to have sex with him while i proceeded to hookup with the air.
It was a two-sided wall so part of my body ended up in someone elses condo.
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
This reunion sucks. All the confident hot girls from high school are still confident and hot, and none of the fat girls with low self esteem transformed into hot girls with low self esteem.
Nope. Daytime is texting time. Night time is you send me naked pictures time.
She just cut the six pack plastic up and screamed "save the dolphins"..she also threw away cans of tuna. I like this girl.
2012 needs to end already. I've exceeded my quota for People Who Have Accidentally Seen My Tits.
moms trying to set me up with a 28 year old. hes graduated university like im getting high in my bed and he's an adult
I dont know how I should feel about you making a 37 year old come visit you and then making him do the walk of shame from your dorm room...through campus
There's a fly in my room repeatedly throwing itself at my window, and I feel it's really symbolic of what I want to do with my future
A German guy asked me to take a bath with him. I can't tell if he's just an eccentric European or a run of the mill creep.
Dude. $3 Jack n Cokes AND Cheesesticks... Find me tomorrow plz
let me wake up, find my pants, and find out where i am tommorow and ill get back to you on that
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