the not having weed thing wouldnt be nearly as tragic if it wasnt the one holiday where they launch bright flaming things into the air
I just found out why they dont make table-dance tables out of glass.
Bank of America texted me 7 times in 12 hours to say my balance was below $50. I kept transfering money back in. Then I texted my bank saying that it was okay, i knew what I was doing.
I just wanted to yell " i am not a shake weight!!"
I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
Apparently she buried shit in the snow back in January and now that it's melted I found a flip flop, 4 spoons, a bottle of smirnoff, and 14 different candy bars
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
Guess who left Professor Cunt on their paper by accident?
Well at one point he got ahold of my archery gear.. And I. Shit. You. Not. Sarah took an arrow to the knee.
For thanksgving we are only drinking wild turkey for the next 24hrs time to strap your balls back on and maybe a helmet
Ps we bought 8 pellet guns just now
its not like i called off work either time for the purpose of tripping, it was more like well, i have nothing to do now today, there is acid and im only human.. but twice
Haha. Maybe he's one of those feminine men who fucks like a god then makes you fantastic crepes afterwards
i refuse to take responsibility for eating Chuck E Cheese pizza and having any other repercussions than the shits.
So I'm trying to figure out how to talk my boss into allowing pajama day once a week. Any ideas?
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