Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
The hot Japanese girl in my class just said her "favorite sexy American actor is Nick Cage." That, I can work with.
she tried giving me head in the pool. it was more entertaining than pleasurable
I know its hard to believe that I'm already drunk at 12 p.m. but I am, so dont call me asking to go to the gym.
Found out why they call her Halfpipe Jenny-NOT the cool reason we thought
gymnastic barn sex. fuck i wish i hadn't blacked out
I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
I no longer believe that the road to self esteem is through his penis.
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
She walked out and announced that he was now part of our confused, incestuous, glorious eskimo family. I've never been more proud.
Campus is too small for this to keep happening
I left the brick of cheese in your car! Keep it at Moderate Temp! It's my precious!
I'm glad I can share my workout progress with you via my nudes
We did hand stuff while watching teenage mutant ninja turtles so I guess you could say it's getting serious
I mean, if I asked you, would you cum on cotton candy for me?
If you fucking touch my phone and text people, drunk or sober, ever again, i will shove a swizle stick up your pee hole.
Randomize
