I wanna crawl in your skin and have dreams about Bobby Kennedy tonight.
I'm in love with you.
huh?
Don't be nervous. I'm just saying - if you had a dick, I'd suck it.
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
Three things I need a picture of: your friend, your bong, and your dick.
Fact: Chilis at the airport in JAX will serve you shots of jack at 6:45 with breakfast. Ya I missed my flight.
So when does your new flight leave?
At my shot/hour ratio.... I leave in 16 shots. I love flying
Well the walls are thin and I can hear the couple next door having sex. I think their dog is somehow involved.
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
The front camera on the 5S is SO much better. This is great development for my international sexting.
It will be interesting
Isn't that your life's motto?
That Kevin guy is something else...His penis is fucking glorious. And he has a way with words. If he lived here I'd be the conductor of the fuck caboose. I mean literally I would never want to get off that thing.
Sorry for all the snapchats, I wanted you to feel like u were in America getting plastered with me
I'm only gonna ask u this once. Y is there a picture of u only in superman underwear rubbin ur nipple on facebook????
Uh I can actually explain that one..
Dude, I just feel great. I love life so much and I love you. Love. Love. So much love.
Remember that Czech tennis player I brought home from beer pong and banged on your couch last year? He just booty calle me. From the Czech Republic.
Randomize
