Someone just asked me if ur the girl that fell through the floor. I HAD to say yes.
i'm forwarding you the dirty picture of that fat girl that likes me sent . i feel like since youre my best friend you should puke in your mouth too .
Washing vom off hardwood, so much easier than carpet. Thank you adulthood!
I'm in the Wal Mart stall where we found out you weren't pregnant. This is where I'm going to propose to you. I feel like that would be the most romantic
What a dumb baby whore.
Yea, you were talking about how you did not want to be a reindeer for at least 5 minutes.
I cannot be this high in this house. This house has so many of my secrets in its walls.
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
THIS TIME TOMORROW MY VAG IS GONNA BE BRAND SPANKING NEW.
Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
I mean, I already put pants on today. We're already halfway there
If Dr Phil has taught me anything about myself, it’s that I can seriously relate to those women who fake their pregnancies.
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
You are hungover. Your arguments are irrational an incoherent. We only played twice. Have some Gatorade and take a knee.
The cop was standing next to me when I texted "haha" to your phone...didn't realize that he had taken it already...
Randomize
