Bonnaroo quote of the day: "why the fuck am i pregnant?!?!" - exclaimed loudly by random hippie.
I just watched a trucker jack off to a picture of Ellen DeGeneres at a truck stop in Nebraska.
i failed horribly. studying for that final was as pointless as Vinnie is to Jersey Shore
yeah well we're currently on the phone and she's telling me about how much she misses me and all this shit and i muted myself and i'm watching porn.
finally stumbled home. 4am. made it to the bathroom and threw up. the cat came in,s aw me, looked at the vom in disgust, and then threw up too. its nice to have such sympathetic pets.
how are you gonna miss the world cup? other than the olympics it's our last way to assert our dominance over China after this economic bull shit
Bachelor party turned 19 hour search and rescue in the mountains. nbd
Apparently i asked the cab driver how much the ride was going to cost, (he said about $25) then i offered him 50 to let me drive the cab...
Fake an illness. Her and her friends are like the female version of guys who wear tapout shirts
therea a video of her dad walking in while i screamed "lets have a fashion show!" and fell off the table
You didn't even properly utilize my pigtails.
i refuse to hook up with a girl that looks like drew carey.
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
Its perfect, I supply the pot she makes the brownies. I love the culinary dept.
Do you think there are other mothers looking at porn in the carpool line?
Randomize
