I just went through her cupboards. Eye patch and sword. nowhere near each other. different shelfs.
All I remember is yelling at him to admit he liked Bon Jovi, then accusing him of giving love a bad name.
but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
dude she was so drunk she thought Jim Joyce made the right call
You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
New major. Tourism Management. I dont know what it is but it sounds like something all the stupid slutty failed business management majors do.
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
you never texted me what you wanted from the store so I got a piece of chicken and bottle of tequila. if you want anything else you are on your own.
Its kind of weird knowing that im only seeing you that day to fuck in some woods
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
i think god would be more upset with me for turning down such a beautifully crafted cock than he would for me liking girls
So we broke my sobriety. Played life size childhood games. Broke into a cold hot tub and got laid. I think this is BFF quality!
How have you been? I haven’t talked to you since you dyed your pubes.
I'll seduce him with my charm, after all, I am a graceful swan.
More like a demented cow.
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