so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
I woke up and he had cut my bangs and put makeup on me.
I don't care how good they make you look, you've got to stop sleeping with gay guys.
May have caused an international incident. More details after we taxi in.
I just spent a pre-4th of july celebration riding in a raft being towed by a car through a town that I've never heard of handing out flyers for a river rafting company that I never knew existed. Good night.
I am in his childhood bedroom and I feel like his trophies are applauding me and his stuffed bunny is disgusted with me. Did you know he was a mathlete?
That is an awkward looking cockshot, not gonna lie
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
It was awful. He had a wife
And now you've had a year of virgin penance. Absolve yourself.
Made out with some dude at the bar last night. Was fun until he thought bohemian rhapsody was by The Who
He's literally cuddling with the washer and dryer.
That ass isn’t going to eat itself.
It was platonic naked porno viewing, I swear.
So, 'head before the store' turned into a fuck fest, & that's how I ended up at the grocery store smelling like a cum farm on Black Friday. How's your weekend?
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