I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
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I don't know why I've never thought to take my bong into the bathtub before.
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
Honestly I will go to church for him, I will even try to quit smoking for him. But his dick is not worth losing alcohol. He sure as fuck isn't taking away our wine nights.
We just broke into a lion king sing along. Understanding is not possible.
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It will be like a scavenger hunt.. only we're looking for places to have sex.
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
You'd be proud. Took my birth control today at 12:30 with a Budweiser. Guy across the bar saw and held his bottle up to salute me 😂
I vomited out my contact lenses last night
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
I just had a man tell me he was going to think about me when he was fucking his wife tonight. This is my proudest moment as a gay.
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