If you don't answer the phone then I will be forced to leave you a wonderful voicemail of me throwing up
i had a headache and asked the kid next to me for aspirin. he gave me esctacy instead. gotta love college.
Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
I had a new years resolution not to be a whore anymore, but I think I'm gonna wait till 2011
You know, be my cock's hype man.
They gave me a glowstick necklace to wear so they could locate me if I wandered off into the woods
Lost my key. Fell asleep on the doorstep and got woken up by host grandma poking me with a broom.
She is currently expressing her joy for "bad to the bone" through interpretive dance...
Ted is on HBO in 20 minutes...not sure if this or the drunken dance party I had at the bar to a N*SYNC Christmas song 20 minutes ago is the highlight of my week so far.
PLEASE HELP ME THE AMERICANS ARE YELLING ABOUT TURKEY, I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO
I think I'm pregnant again.
or as we call it, thursday.
I just want to smoke weed and be the little spoon all winter. My modern day hibernation.
The REAL engagement ring is the jeweled butt plug.
Sorry I missed your birthday party. I caught a dick and rode it to O-Town
The last time I was on vacation the pandemic blew up. Can't wait to see how my vacation fucks up the world this time.
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