Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
We've had the 'life would be so much better if we were both lesbians' conversation too much for that to be okay.
All I remember is yelling RUN as fireworks started going off in the kitchen. Who said that was a bad idea?
Hahaha wear something that says i'm here to party but wont go farther then a handjob.
There are a bunch of highly educated, advanced in their field, PUSSY ASS BITCHES in this bar
Cat. Why do you sit on things I need to use.
Because it is cat.
I'm getting kicked out of the place we're at. They don't like ketchup on their walls..
But you're the one who should be jamming foreign objects into my vaj instead of an old weird lady. I mean, it is your birthday....
He did leave his bud tall boy and 2 choco tacos, so not a total loss.
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
WHO ARE THESE GUYS WHY AN ORGRY ON A MONDAY LMAO
I went in the hotel's jacuzzi fully clothed, threw up in the bathroom half an hour later and woke up naked next to Dr. Seuss' "Oh the Places You'll Go"
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
I'm writing to thank you for your never ending commitment to my orgasms and also to apologize if any physical harm was done due to your impressive efforts. Hopefully the sex and post sex pizza made up for it.
you know your booty call is really trying when he offers to pay the toll for the bridge you have to cross to get to his house
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