Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
found a new level of pathetic. i watched a guy pick out cigarette butts from a jar that weren't completely finished. make sure you go somewhere in life.
i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
Is puking blood really that bad of a sign? Can we pretend this is okay?
It's okay.
I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.
It wouldn't have been a big thing. If anything, I woulda apologized to you and cleaned the remote
Thanks to this cookie, I have now eaten something other than skittles today.
Yea I've gotten enough hickeys in my life to know what I'd look like with a neck tattoo. I think I'm getting a neck tattoo.
just got home to find my brothers naked on the floor covered in chocolate. i am now nervous about sleeping in the same room as them
Our conversation concluded a weekly schedule of casual sex in between classes.
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
I spilled wine on my pillowcase and I figure it's basically my lifeblood so I'm just leaving it
And to be fair, I think we all suspect that forbidden sex with an outlaw biker might be worth it.
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