If I'm having a dream where I'm having sex and I can actually feel it between my legs because I've had a lot of it recently, does that make me a whore?
I have a feeling this is a serious question. Problem solve, Jess.. I'm going to let you figure that one out on your own
He showed up drunk to my cousions HS grad party, we stayed at the bars till 2, then he got up at 5 to run a half marathon and by the time I woke up wlhe was already back and drinking.
I've done nothing but whore my gay ex bf out for the past 48 hours. It's getting weird.
Which genius got me a voicemail of myself puking?
The only thing I remember is doing a toddlers and tiaras dance routine onstage. I fucking CURTSIED.
OMG stop. Pretty feet? Sparkle baby!
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
Everyone here knows my boyfriend as "Half Baked". Life, he's doing it right.
So apparently I ended up throwing my clothes in the toilet after getting kicked out of TQ and ran around the neighborhood in my boxers. Works gonna suck hard once this hangover kicks in. Also: I lost a shoe so looks like flipflops for the rest of winter
SURVIVAL MODE. WE CAN DO THIS. Celebratory survived-working-christmas-retail sex to follow
Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
It's called hot rabbit the party if he asks the password is "careful" don't ask
I don't know if you've ever seen a group of 20 year olds reenact a rectal prolapse, but 'majestic' isn't really the word I'd use...
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
So he apologized for peeing on my floor.. then we fucked all night.
Real classy
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