there's got to be a less slutty way to tell him the baby isn't his
i can barely afford taco bell don't think a baby is in the budget
well i just had my first "when i graduated college she was 12" morning
He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
Stripper with the black hair and lip rings is still asleep. Found out she wasn't lying when she said she was a squirter, it was like splash mountain.
I just ran into mom and dad day drinking at the bar while I skipped class and was day drinking at the same bar.
Went to 7-11 to buy condoms with the $20 I found on the ground outside Rite Aid. A good day for drug stores
Did he think I was flirting with him when I ordered a hot dog bc no
Your next boyfriend should be from MENSA...you're so smart, it's intimidating as fuck. My penis retracted in fear.
She caught me by google maps... Lets just say it wasnt her car in front of the house.
If you don't respond in the next 30min, I'm going to assume your in a sex coma, in jail, or dead... All of which I've become accustomed to, and will follow the appropriate channels of notification once you notify me.
Dont you look at me in that tone of voice
Holy shit he’s stupid hot! If you don’t hurry up and make a move my ovaries are going to march over there and introduce themselves
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