I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
Sharpest. Poop. Ever.
so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you.
if im not pregnant im gonna be so pissed for spending the money from my weed fund on the test
wow, a mother in the making
He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole.
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
All I know is I want him to tie me up at least twice a week and I have an overwhelming urge to cook for him. Could this be love? I'm so confused....
I'm just gonna use that pot butter as dip for chips. That's fat, American AND stoner!
Can you face time me. I need to know if this pill is xanex or ecstasy
We have been dating for 5 months. I'm friends with his sister. Yet my number in his phone is still saved as "hot bartender"
When do you think the murder is going to happen in this Lifetime movie of ours?
Randomize
