i only hope i can top last weeks sext session
Should I ask him to prom mid fuck? That way he has to say yes.
i am sick of getting naked and seeing how fat i am.
I just accidentally handed the ticket lady a condom instead of the intended ticket. I am now the official whore of Harry Potter.
I need you to come over. Im crying, day drinking and working out simultaneously.
he has the hands of the vagina gods.
Maybe you shouldn't go to cosmic bowling, i don't know if cum glows and I don't wanna find out i'm sure his parents don't either.
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
I feel like I missed the land of milk and honey and instead wound up in the land of beer and pizza. And yet, I think I'm happier here.
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
There's glitter all over his bed from my Pink VS panties... I think I might invest in similar styles as a way of marking my territory just incase.
We couldnt find you anywhere and when you finally answered your phone all you said was "im safe"
I bought him flowers and fake vampire fangs, cuz there's really not a greeting card that says "Sorry I got wasted last night and started a very sloppy bloodletting ritual.".
I may have been bent over an elementary school lunch table a few weeks ago. Don't judge.
Moms passed out wet and naked in a rocking chair again....
Randomize
