there was already a condom in her . . and it was bigger than me
after he handcuffed me and put me in the back seat, "Mrs. Officer" started playing, I thought maybe this could be my escape
I'm in the laundromat a drunk armenian guy keeps trying to help me fold my laundry. Ah i'm going to miss queens.
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
One night stand. Woke up at her dad's house. She already left for work. Shit's about to go down.
we started pounding beers an hour ago to celebrate our personal snow day tomorrow. vodka shots for u of i's actual decision are on standby.
But you've got to admit , for how blackout I was I look fucking unreal in those pictures
I don't remember because I was drunk out of my mind, but I have it on good authority that weed cinnamon buns at 3 in the morning with chocolate milk are better than sex.
How's dating the med student working out for you?
After we had sex last night he showed me where my spleen was.
A true anatomy project.
If you've never been pounded by an Eastern European body builder, I would highly recommend it.
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
He carried around a bottle of jäger the whole night and when everyone thought the cops came, he started doing push ups in the middle of the floor cause he said it calmed him down.
May or may not have just put tequila in my special "kids+" orange juice fortified with vitamins a, b, c, d, e, and now t.
I think he's trying to finish jacking off before throwing up again
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