I need to talk to you about an important matter involving lesbians.
Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
soo according to the calendar on my phone, I'm 5 minutes late to have sex with that guy from work. Apparently we planned this, I even set an alarm.
my mom just served us mashed potatoes with an ice cream scoop. When I asked her why, she said she thought it would make dinner 'more fancy'...
I don't remember. Are we still dating?
Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
my affection for youporn is starting to get disturbing... i just thought about sending them a christmas card
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
I hurt so much. Not in the emotional way, but in the I went to dive bars sorta way.
I'm going through our high school yearbook trying to find what boys I want to hook up with this summer. We graduated four years ago. That's a problem.
this makes me concerned. not enough to actually do anything about it, but yeah.
You know shit got weird when you watched another guy shove drugs up your wife's ass and it wasn't awkward for any of us....
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
How high do u want to get? Just kind of high or yelling at swans high...
Swans
Fucking hate kids. In particular I hate our kids.
Randomize
