JoAnns office is warmer than mine. . .it must be because she has the gateway to hell under her desk.
I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
you traded sex for a burrito?
I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
Daquari drive throughs 24 hours a day. LORD HAVE MERCY
Do you think if I tell the hot Santa at work that I want a sugar daddy for Christmas that he'll get the hint?
I'm not leaving my family to go to a strip club on good friday.
That was years ago. And it was chlamydia.
I'm not coming to work today because tequila
you've already made the comitment to pee in public you should at least whip your dick out
The career specialist read an Onion article to us. Please send help.
I'm cuddly bitch. Deal with it.
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