marko just referred to some fat asian and a portly friend as Jupiter and one of its moons. unreal. hyte!
There are the 2 BIGGEST tools by me-- at our table. I hate them. But they're not ugly and I may make out with them later. And hate myself. Definitely hate myself.
I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
dude, I just walked in on your little brother changing clothes...I'm ashamed to say I noticed, but that kid has as MASSIVE cock...
Yeah...we all know. it's the elephant in the room at family gatherings.
that is a frighteningly accurate metaphor for it.
Yes someone did see you carrying a beer bong on the side of coastal highway
you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
You rubbing siracha on a cat with your feet is the opposite of what I want.
I just realized I consumed seven different types of alcohol this weekend. And I'm only counting jungle juice as one of those. How the fuck did I not die?
I don't know what's more sad. The fact that I'm genuinely impressed about being sober for a whole 3 days or the fact that I want to get wasted in celebration.
sitting alone on a bench with a sombrero and a bottle of vodka. really angry i got here before you guys.
Her dad high fived me on the way out the door. Not the reaction i expected after she came so loud.
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
Did I run into a tree or get punched in the face?
Both.
I have never appreciated strippers so much. Ma'am, you are an artist
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
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