Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
I woke up this morning to the buzzer on my oven going off... I cooked fish sticks at 425 degrees for 5 hours last night. my house smells awesome
I found out he doesn't have a facebook, twitter, or myspace. So, I'm going to actually go to his house to spy on him.
words of advice: black light parties reveal cum stained clothing.
I am currently in the waffle making stage of highness
I don't think I have ever puked up that much free breakfast in my life...thank god for Nickle Beers.
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
hey watch out, they threw flour on everyone who passed out at their party last year.
Dude, he threw a pool chair off of an 8 story building. It was a successful night I'd say.
are we fucking for lunch or am I using my vibrator ?
I survive off of bourbon and the tears of others only
Thanks for being my pregnancy scare Sherpa...
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
About the whale....I wasn't completely awake.
Randomize
