I'll just stay a virgin forever then
You still have to go anyway
Then I guess I'll have to start sleeping around
Did you see Brett Michaels get knocked on his ass?
Hurt me personally.
Knocked his cowboy hat off... Bandanna was still good though
woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
Checked out the free sonogram van on campus and got a free DVD of my sweet food baby.
He just did a 33 second keg stand with a fractured leg, busted chin and chipped teeth from running into a parked car after winning a race.
Just gave a gay guy pointers on how to make anal not hurt. Reevaluation of life choices: in progress.
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
I fucked my ex boyfriend to get shrooms for you guys
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
I just want a simple guy who likes cats, tattoos, and doing coke off my tits.
We'll just play naked Twister, the rest will take care of itself
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
BRIAN AND ANTHONY SPOON FED MY BROTHER MACARONI AND CHEESE WHILE HE WAS FUCKING ZARA. THEY WENT TO HIGHFIVE HIM AND ZARA WAS LIKE "WOO!" AND HIGHFIVED THEM FIRST
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