We just made mixed drinks in the bathroom of burger king. This is sad.
Fuck buddy has no power. Invited her over to use my shower. I love hurricaines.
My little brother got home at 4am too, we drunk ate together. It was a kodak moment.
do you think theyll let us bring mariachis to the strip club?
Yea it's a sex scar. But if anyone asks I tripped up carpeted stairs
I'd like to introduce you to my friend, Moderation. Enjoy each other's company this weekend.
Your friend and I already don't get along
Think I just saw your homeless guy on High Street. Did you give him back his crutch?
Stop leaving me alone with my ex boyfriends after keg challenges. Woke up in his bed covered in what you think would be cum. No...toothpaste. He left a note. "Be home at four. Don't be here when I get back."
It's gonna be one of those someone is getting divorced parties
The silhouette of his dick looked like an eagle. Amurrican.
Is it weird that I'm looking up pubic hairstyles?
Somehow, you looked so classy chugging that bottle of wine last night.
Yea he was still drunk. He wore a Toga to his job interview.
I should've known a straight guy wouldn't know all the words to Moana
Just deepthroated a hot dog. Thinking of you
Randomize
