Kelly Kapowski is pregnant and it's not Zach Morris'. I no longer believe in true love.
That shot tasted like Sant Claus came in my mouth. I love the holidays.
We spent three hours cleaning our room this morning. It was spotless and smelling good. I come home from work tonight and she has already smoked weed in it and "accidently" spilled vodka on the floor.
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
2am update: i think I'm in Mexico but I found a dennys. Everyone but this cute family of 4 is speaking Spanish. Cute family of 4 is helping me out.
Oh, and no balcony sex...trust me.
I woke up with like grass burns all over my body, i'm pretty sure i made out with someone under a bus. . . but i'm not sure
u girls! girls! girls! have fun please don't hook up w/ a roadie! Love, mom
And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!
so it turns out the huge bruises on my knees are from drunk bmxing and not getting railed from behind on the ground
and ill have you know that I only wiped out twice
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
is leaving the club to fk in his friends van subtle?
The hair on my legs is officially flapping in the breeze when I walk. I must say, being single does have perks and this is one of them.
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
You tried to see how many socks you can stuff in yor mouth and I just put on a damp sock. Is this what bestfriends have come to these days???
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